#365songs (16 / 365)

Was this my first Open Mike Eagle song? I must have heard him before this, at least as a guest rapper, but I think this was the track that got me to say "I gotta listen to this guy some more." I know for sure I didn't originally hear it on his own album Dark Comedy, but on the Dorner vs. Tookie mixtape from the sadly now-defunct Hellfyre Club, which included four legends of the indie rap scene (OME, Busdriver, R.A.P. Ferreira f/k/a Milo, Nocando) and basically just put out the one mixtape before dissolving semi-acrimoniously. OME would devote a verse to this in a later song, but I'm going to try to bring this post back around to "Qualifiers" now.

It seems ridiculous in 2026, but when I was in college I made a deliberate, conscious attempt to like "get into" rap music, as a person who would have had to go well out of his way to encounter it all through grade school and frankly probably had some racist opinions about it as a kid. "Qualifiers" came well after that attempt turned out to be what I consider a success, but it would have been an absolutely perfect onramp for my nerdy too-clever-by-half self at the time: melodic, catchy, funny, incredibly likable, confrontational but only just enough to give a frisson to someone intentionally going out of their comfort zone. Literally grown-ass man with a child rap. Literally poking (gentle) fun at people who think rap music is just "bitches and hos" rap. "Words With Friends!" GoldenEye! And in a masterful coup de grâce, it interpolates like 30 seconds from a They Might Be Giants song at the end. Not just a "song." A B-side!!

I don't really think that Mike Eagle wrote this song for people like high school me to get into rap music, but I don't think he could have done a better job of it if he had. He even leaves other breadcrumbs for inquisitive people to follow: to one of his own older songs ("Bright Green Light"), to other rappers (Busdriver, Serengeti). And the thing is, despite this being an absolutely fantastic "Baby's First Rap Song," it's also still great even after you've been a rap fan for 20 years.